I'm usually the only one at home who eats jalapeños, so I boil or roast them whole when they arrive in our CSA delivery.
Boiling (until they're soft) takes some of the heat out of the pepper. Roasting (low-broil 3ish minutes, then flip and continue 3ish minutes more), may also decrease the heat. After the peppers cool, you can remove the tops and seeds.
If getting the skins off, too, is important to you, then "sweat" the peppers right after they're done boiling/roasting. In both cases, once they're cool, you can just hold the peppers and peel the skins off.
These can then go in a food processor (with crème fraîche or sour cream ... and cilantro, garlic & lime, ay!), for a sauce for just about anything, in the fridge for 3-5 days, or in the freezer for months (they'll just loose a little firmness).